Britney, Lindsay and Paris's Voice Mail

Dear Readers… all two of them

The following is a voice mail received that might explain a lot about recent tabloid controversies. I think we can all admit that the following will elucidate and leave you speechless. After I heard it, I know I had to give credit to true queens of media. I have to admit, this is the only way for it to end with dignity. Truly, any other way and I would have hated these women forever.

Voice Mail Received On WDWN Hot Line:

Britney: Hey ya’ll! It’s Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton and we’re leaving this message for Who Did What Now to let ya’ll know that we got you! (*tittering guffaws*)We so got you and you were all reading everything me Lindsay and Paris did. We thought it all out and made so much money off of everything. (*giggle giggle*) Oh here’s how it goes. Those paparazzi were always so in our faces so I started thinkin’ maybe we could, like, get back at them by using ‘em.

Paris: That was my idea, Britney.

Britney: (*smacks lips*) Nu-uuuh!

Lindsay: Britney came up with it, Paris.

Paris: (*tisk*) Shut up F.C. !

(*message interrupted by something that sounds like a pillow fight*)

Britney: (*out of breath*) Ok! Ok, so what we did was decided to, um, act as crazy as possible and it was a contest to…

Paris: No, stop. First we bought all the stocks, right? We bought stocks for, like, the major publishers of all of these tabloids. And then we had a competition to see how crazy we could be for the paparazzi. Ha ha ha!

Lindsay: It was super fun. Yeah. We did everything. But yeah, Paris won.

Paris: Prison! I mean, yeah, right? That was, really crazy. I can’t believe normal people thought I was so stupid and poor to go to jail.

Britney: Nah, nah, ya’ll! I totally won because of the hair thing, and the rehab thing?

Lindsay: Whoa whoa whoa…I got DUI's... plural and I crashed my car and I am the queen of rehab. Eleven days between being arrested and getting out.

Britney: Uuh uhh! No, little muffin! Nah! What about the OK! Magazine thing! I flipped out at a tabloid interview. That magazine sold out everywhere! Nichole’s ex-assistant couldn’t even find it for her.

Paris: That was amazing, Britney. But it wasn’t like CNN devoted and entire day to you as you go to jail in front of America. (*tisk*).

Lindsay: Anyways, we just wanted you guys to know that, you know, you were wrong to think because we’re famous that we’re stupid. Yeah and I think, that it’s sad how much time normal people waste caring about who I sleep with or what I do when I go out.

Paris: Right? Get a lives, and jobs, and showers, so many of you smell.

Britney: Yeah, because ya’ll are like people and you’re wanting to know stuff but we don’t chase you guys around with cameras.

Paris: And we just made a killing because we’ve sold all our stock.

Britney: Yeah so (*raspberry noise*)!

Lindsay: Post this up, WDWN! Wooooh!