Chocolates That Mean It's Over

It’s odd how people’s brains work without them being able to see the gears turning. How when someone is pulling away, we push. How when someone’s in your blind spot you swerve closer. How much can be read into small gestures and actions. And break ups, that’s when the extra crazy comes out of hiding.

I knew Jeremy knew our three year relationship was over by the color roses he got me to apologize for his latest transgression. It wasn't until i told him i loved him for the first time that he bought me red roses. He told me that red roses meant love and in a note he gave me that i kept, he said he didn't want to get me red roses until he could tell me he loved me. When I decided to break things off and walked back into our apartment and found a dozen yellow rose my heart sank. One reason was because his last ditch effort made it harder for me to break things off. The other reason was because I knew yellow didn’t mean 'love' to him.

I haven’t liked chocolate since I was a little girl. I had too much on Halloween and I was sick and I’ve never been able to have pure chocolate since. The subject comes up more often than you would think and the shocked reactions that I get are predictable. Everyone always says the same thing and I have to inequitably state again “yes, I don’t like it. No I haven’t since I was a kid.. It’s along story… What are you complaining about? It just means there’s more for you!”

Today, the day after i broke up with him, I went down to our apartment manager’s office to discuss our lease and saw a small bowl of candy by her desk. I leaned in, but seeing only chocolates I pulled back. When I came up stairs my newly appointed ex was at his computer looking for an apartment. I sat down at the couch, looked on the coffee table and saw a chocolate from the bowl of candy downstairs.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“Oh, I got it for you!” Jeremy said smiling; suddenly naïve of my life long distaste. I just shook my head and laughed. I didn’t have to read into it. I knew what it was. It was foil wrapped chocolate that meant it was over.

TroubleHelix: Off Topic Betrayal

i haven't been writing in a while because, against my wishes, my boyfriend decided to read my page. I treat this place like a diary not just because i can add links and pictures but because it's like spitting into a river; there's a big chance that no one will notice and an even bigger chance that no one will care.

I was drawn to this site by my friend, Jack, who writes for a sports blog which will go unnamed. To comment on his site, i needed to create an account and then suddenly i had a forum. A forum to yell from and never be heard. I liked it. I like it until Jeremy found my site and read all of it two days after this:

Trouble: I was wondering if i could ask you not to read my blog.
Jeremy: ... Ok.
Trouble: That's ok with you?
Jeremy: Yeah, no problem
Trouble: Thank you (*kiss*)

I'm not going to go into a 'men suck' tirade because ... well that's off topic.

The point is this whole thing was ruined for me when he read my "online journal". All of it. Every last article that i though i were just drops in an endless river.
I need to get over this whole issue for my relationship and for the chance of me once again enjoying this little past-time of mine. Until then, men don't suck, people do.

List of People Who Warned Me:
-Roxy
-James
Thank you for trying :)

And congratulations to Jeremy! You're first mention on this site was negative. And if you're reading this, it's over.