Who Did What Now?

There is no purpose of this blog. I can't even spell the word blog and the verb form 'blogging' makes me throw up, just a little, in my mouth. Go find something more interesting. Life is short... no no wait, come back!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Trouble: Pass It On

I Hope You Enjoy! 


See more funny videos at Funny or Die

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Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The Flood of 2008



Has this ever happened to you? You spend months without any attention from the opposite sex. You're looking, searching, hunting for some sort of significant connection with another member of your species. But you're coming up dry. You start to resent those happy couples you see kissing in public. That shodenfreuda green covetous angst gets to be too much. But then, without any warning, something in the universe switches. . .
And here come the rain clouds.
I call it a 'flood' and it can be just as devastating and life shattering as a drought. All of a sudden the options start to multiply, and you have countless different suitors coming at you from different angles. 
My normal defenses of logic are powerless against the multitude of different factors. Each suitor or "fan", as someone described it to me recently, has their own timeline, attraction level, benefits and pitfalls. And as torrents of emotion pull you two directions at once, down falls a wave that carries you yet a new direction. 
Oh, the Flood of 2008. Right now it seems that as one wave dissipates, the next one 
levitates, making this water ride less arduous that floods of the past.  But i'm still terrible confused on any given day. My world is upside down. But at least I can enjoy the ride. 















but it's not this bad... yet               

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Saturday, July 26, 2008

I'm Not A Hooker!!



My friend Annie lives on Aurora/99, right before the bridge in Fremont. The strip is known for its multitude of cheep motels, relics from before I-5 was built and Aurora was commonly used by truckers. Her and Steve have heard gun shots and seen prostitutes and heroin addicts mill around their place. I was leaving Annie's house yesterday and the cars were wizzing by at 50 mph. Out of the corner of my eye, i saw a fast moving car swerve over. I turned to see that it was one of those new Dodges that you sometimes see cops drive. 
I started to walk faster, unlocked my car and then i heard his car horn. Quick little honks and he was yelling "hey! hey!" I looked back and was barely able to see the him but made out through his tinted windows that he was wearing a hat and glasses. 'What does he want from me?' I thought. 'I'm a young girl walking in a sketchy part of town alone, and now I have a strange man cat calling me. Oooooh!'. So as he continued to holler at me, I yelled  back at him "I'm not a hooker!" got in my car and drove off. 
I checked my rear-view mirror to make sure he didn't follow me and he wasn't. Like most women mistaken as prostitutes, my mind started to race. 'Was it my hair?' It was big and curly that day. 'I'm wearing tight black jeans and a cute top, but no high heels. I'm such a bad girl. Is it that obvious to the average john? I don't have any condoms on me. I wonder how much they get paid. How should I even take this? Should I be offended? Is this... a compliment, in a way? A man just swerved off to road wanting to have sex with me.'
By the time I got over to Quinns I was excited to run the whole thing by the girls. I heard my phone chirp and saw that I had a text. It said "It's Eroy! I didn't think you were a  hooker!"
It was one of Steve's friends that i've met a couple times...
I still think it was the hair.

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Sunday, April 22, 2007

Singleness: the poem


Singleness

Single's something sorta special.
sedan sideswipes like a senior
just a sojourn to the solstice
Full of options for it's failure

An open meadow, when the herd is through
moist with dung, and selfdeception
things might grow
but smell alone can stun the soul

It is freedom from compassion
with a sprinkle of seduction
strapless slashes, in stilettos
arms length distance, served with smiles

And we're out of stock
of strapping strangers
but we still have slews of stalkers
any studs
were nipped by girls when they were buds

It's the story of a lifetime
simmered down now to synopsis
superficial, skim the surface
siphon full of scum and psychos

sudden spasmodic
where once there was sex
subtle smite from the almighty
yet more fun
than being stuck to only one

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