Pineapple Express: Review

3.5 stars out of 5

7.4 stars out of 10

Directed by David Gordon Green

Staring Seth Rogen and James Franco

For personal reasons, I wanted this movie to be amazing. And it was, for at least the first half. I love any movie in which all of the paranoid pot derived delusions of the protagonists are spot on and keep them one step in front of the bad guys. I couldn’t begin to keep track of all the quotable moments, since they were so rapid fire that the laughing from one blended into the laughing at the next. I really loved seeing this on imdb: “In the scene where Dale and Saul are beating up Red in his house, Red's cold sore first appears, then disappears, then appears again”. Extra half a star for a disappearing cold sore whether it was make-up or brought to the set by the actor Danny McBride.

But somewhere at the halfway point, the quick witted pot-talk went stale and the action scenes turned into boring shoot outs in which no one seems to say down. By the time the fourth assumed-to-be down bad guy was reanimated, I had checked out. I must blame this on the direction of David Gordon Green who’s other films include the critically acclaimed and Roeper’s hot pick ‘Snow Angels’, a film that has been on my “to see” list for a while. His lack of experience with the action genre killed this movie and is making me reconsider my unquestioning love for anything attached to the producer, Judd Apaptow. It was good to see old friends, Seth Rogen and James Franco, pair up on screen. It takes me back to the good old days of “Freaks and Geeks”, the Apatow directed short lived TV series. My recommendation is then to see this film written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg IF you can pay matinee prices and be high as balls.
Call me if you need anything.

Trouble: Pass It On

I Hope You Enjoy! 

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Ch 3 Physics Can Be Fun

The night would have been calm without the wind and walking back from the library at 1l: 00, Taylor thought of only one thing: sleeping. Walking alone, stumbling in the dark, auto drive, auto pilot from a sideways map. It all seemed slightly familiar but the words make no sense. Floating through the night. She went to cross the street as a car raced up to the cross walk. Its tires screeched as she unswervingly continued in a sober daze from Physics. It always managed to leave her mind numb and the world opaque. She prepared to flick the driver off after he cursed at her but instead a smiling boy’s face poked out of the passenger side window. “Hey can you give us some directions?” she stopped and slowly turned her head back. He had teeth so white that any moment you expected a spark to twinkle in the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah sure.” She glanced quickly at the car. It was a BMW 332ci and she saw that not only did it have a 2.5-liter dual overhead cam with a 24-valve inline 6-cylinder engine, the owner had gone with the optional sport package and gotten the 17 by 8.0 steer spoke alloy wheels with 225/45R-17 91W performance tires. No wonder he stopped so quickly.

“Can you show me how to get into your pants?”

The textbook for her Electromagnetism and Oscillatory Motion class had 700 pages. And as she hurled it at his Xenon low-beam headlights with auto leveling, Taylor studied the trajectory parabola of the book and calculated that the force she exerted would even do damage to his halogen free fog lights. Smiling she thought ‘Physics can be fun.’

I'm Not A Hooker!!

My friend Annie lives on Aurora/99, right before the bridge in Fremont. The strip is known for its multitude of cheep motels, relics from before I-5 was built and Aurora was commonly used by truckers. Her and Steve have heard gun shots and seen prostitutes and heroin addicts mill around their place. I was leaving Annie's house yesterday and the cars were wizzing by at 50 mph. Out of the corner of my eye, i saw a fast moving car swerve over. I turned to see that it was one of those new Dodges that you sometimes see cops drive. 

I started to walk faster, unlocked my car and then i heard his car horn. Quick little honks and he was yelling "hey! hey!" I looked back and was barely able to see the him but made out through his tinted windows that he was wearing a hat and glasses. 'What does he want from me?' I thought. 'I'm a young girl walking in a sketchy part of town alone, and now I have a strange man cat calling me. Oooooh!'. So as he continued to holler at me, I yelled  back at him "I'm not a hooker!" got in my car and drove off. 

I checked my rear-view mirror to make sure he didn't follow me and he wasn't. Like most women mistaken as prostitutes, my mind started to race. 'Was it my hair?' It was big and curly that day. 'I'm wearing tight black jeans and a cute top, but no high heels. I'm such a bad girl. Is it that obvious to the average john? I don't have any condoms on me. I wonder how much they get paid. How should I even take this? Should I be offended? Is this... a compliment, in a way? A man just swerved off to road wanting to have sex with me.'

By the time I got over to Quinns I was excited to run the whole thing by the girls. I heard my phone chirp and saw that I had a text. It said "It's Eroy! I didn't think you were a  hooker!"

It was one of Steve's friends that i've met a couple times...

I still think it was the hair.

Ch 7 The Break Up

“I just can’t believe that noise down there! How do they sleep with it on? If it’s playing loud tonight I swear I’m going to complain. You know that girl in the elevator earlier? Jamie talks to her sometimes. She lives down there. I wonder how they let her do that.” Kelly said as she looked down through her window at the room below her.

“Mhmmm,” said Jen, not really listening to her roommate as her manicured hands flipped through a Vogue.

Claire threw open their door. “You got to get out here and see this!” she said, her curlers coming undone. As she jogged back down the hall, they started to unfurl. By the time they had trotted after her to the lounge, Claire’s hair had come completely undone and baby blue circles littered the hallway as the shouts grew louder. They walked out to find Joe, belligerently inebriated and breaking up with Amanda.

“You know, you know what I’m talking about? The shit you do with your shoes and your parties and your backstabbing bullisht. Buuuuuuullshit. Buuuuuuuuullshit. Oh! And let’s not forget that guy that you fucked in Reno!” He stumbled and fell over himself repeatedly.

“Joe, sweetie you aren’t making any sense!” Amanda said sobbing, “I’ve never been to Reno. And where are your shoes?”

“OH you’ve never been to Reno! Well darling, Reno isn’t a place, it’s a state. But not like the United… or the mind! Yeah and then what about Paul, huh? Paulie! Does he want a cracker? I can’t believe you got so fucking upset about that shirt of yours that I didn’t like and then your mother went off and had sex with that prostitute.”

“What did you say?”

“That shirt that I didn’t like.”

“No, after that.”

Joe paused to recap what had happened. “Ok,” he began, swaying gently with his eyes lids fluttering up and down. “I said ‘that shirt that I didn’t like.’ And then you said ‘No, after that’ and then I said ‘I said ‘that shirt that I didn’t like’’.”

“No, after ‘that shirt that I didn’t like’.”

“I said ‘I said ‘that shirt that I didn’t like.’’ And then you said ‘No after ‘that shirt that I didn’t like.’ And then I said ‘I said ‘I said ‘that shirt that I didn’t like...’”

“No, after the first time you said it.”

“I SAID YOU’RE MOTHER’S A WHORE!”

“Ok this is just making my brain hurt.” Amanda said. “Joe, lets go in my room and talk about this…” She said looking around at the crowd that had begun to gather to watch the newest reality show. Everyone was there. Everyone was watching this happen to her and then it just got worse. She saw the stairwell door open and a pair of RA’s making their rounds entered at the other end of the lounge. Amanda turned back to Joe and began to whisper, “Joe, let’s go.”

“You can just suck my dick or did you get enough of that in RENO!” To everyone’s horror, he stubbed past her and towards the stairs only to run straight into the RA.

“Have you been drinking?” The RA said, tired of his rounds already.

“No but she has!” Joe said as he pointed back at Amanda. Her whole face was red and wet from crying. ‘The whole floor has seen this!’ she thought to herself. After seeing that his path was blocked, Joe turned on his heel and started heading the other direction. The Resident Assistant reached out and grabbed his shoulder.

“Why don’t you come with me, dude.” He pulled Joe to face him.

“YOU’RE NOT MY FATHER!” Joe shouted and then proceeded to vomit all over the RA.

Sarah Silverman is MINE!

On a different note, let’s talk about something that’s made me very happy as of late. Going along with the networks mass movement of ‘move all our good shows to Thursday night’ Comedy Central has crapped out a new Jew, I mean, Jem. Jem with a ‘j’ because it involves a punky young lady that everyone wants to bone. . . like the cartoon … named JEM! Come on people! … Go shoot yourselves.

Sarah Silverman has graced my life in many ways. I watched her movie ‘Jesus is Magic’ one too many times, and then had a house guest and watched it one too many times again. Her latest exploits are on air in the ‘Sarah Silverman Program’ Thrusday 10:30 on comedy central. Awww… “Program” not “show” like all those pompous asshole sell outs.

Her exploits are refreshing, and deliciously un-PC. She’s the steak tartar of TV cuz she’s as raw as they’re allowed to get. But although I can go on and on about how nice it would be to fuck her brilliant mind, I’ll let you see for yourself.

Don’t worry about thanking me for the free publicity, Sarah.
But tonight in my dreams, you bring the hot oil.

And for in an invigorating change of pace, the network is keeping this winner on the air. Comedy Central has just ordered 14 new shows to air this fall. The jew gods are smiling and so am i.

That is all... for now.