Fuck You Jerry King

One of the down sides about having a profile online is that unwanted people decide to contact you. Such is the case with a boy named Jerry King. I’m the first to admit that my biggest flaw is that I hold a grudge, very well. I’ve been trying to work on that… a little. But sometimes, people just deserve it.

At 14 I decided never to date anyone under the age of 18. Teenage boys are the worst creatures in the world

The background: I wasn’t popular in middle/highschool and he was. We decided to have a secret relationship. It was my first one and he was my first for ... everything including taking my virginity. And then 7 months later, he told half of my freshman class. I say half because we were on Experimental Ed at the time and the class was split between two large greyhound-like busses. I found out he told the bus I wasn’t on. He didn’t stop there. He went on to tell his friends in different grades and my reputation was incapsulated as “the girl that Jerry King screwed”. Better yet, even though people would tell me that he was spreading this information, he would still deny it in person. He was just using me and eventually I ended it halfway through freshman year.

The other week: A couple weeks ago I was on facebook and I got a friend request from a ‘Jerome King’. It was him. I denied his request.

THIS FUCKING MORNING: I got another request from Jerome King. You mother fucker. But was I sad, angry, upset? A little, but mostly I’ve been happy all day. Because I’ve crafted a response 10 years in the making:

Dear Jerry King,

Let me make this perfectly clear: You ruined two years of high school for me when you told the entire school that you screwed me. The only reason it wasn’t all four years is because after two, I decided not to give a damn about my reputation even though others were not quick to let me forget it.

The last time I talked to you I told you never to call me again. And guess what, that applies to internet contact as well.

I think I will always hate you. Get Cancer -Amielle- P.S. I hope the patriots loose.

Ahhhhh! This felt so good, SOOO fucking good to finally be able to tell him exactly what i thought of him. Like a weight was lifted off me. And fuck you jerry! Really, i hope brady chokes like Peyton. And you know who stuffed your mail box with wet cat food? oh yeah that was me. That felt good too, but with this message, you know who's telling you to fuck off. ..

THIS GIRL! awww, don't cry jerry? you alcholic, one day at a timer.

I'd be lying if i said i wasn't currious what his response might be. But like my friend Kim said, how the hell do you respond to a letter like that?

So to all of you out there on this "internet" thing, although i say this with a smile, don't piss me off. :)

Dragon

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It's kinda scary how true this is... hmm

Good Old Janel Moloney

Janel Moloney is the actress who plays Donna Moss. Watching the West Wing Season 3 in 5 days, i am constantly inundated with the visage of Janel. Janel, Janell... same name as my fatty of a cousin. That last comment would be bitchy if it wasn't HORRIBLY true. So when i think Janel i think Jello and when i think Jello i think Jiggle and when i think Jiggle i think Janel. Janel Jello Jiggle Janel. It's a horrible cycle ANY WAY!
Stop getting me off topic you skank. I've made a good decision about Janel Moloney's existence on the television show. She's beautiful isn't she? in this first picture but usally in the show she's got these buck teeth.. Her publicist is amazing because google image search had the bottom picture as the worst picture of her (the one showing her on the phone talking dirty to the Charlie Sheen). It was the only one i could find that showed her in her true form. Trust me, when watching the show, you just want to scream "CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH" constantly.
so i've decided...
Breathe
That when she's on the screen i will look at her chest, her ample chest, and not her face.

that is all... for now

Transcript of MLK Day Planning

Transcript: Call placed at 9:30 PST January 14th 2007.
Call from TroubleHelix to Lindsay


hey lindsay it's *******. i was going to do my annual tradition for martin luther king day, which is tommorrow, and i wanted know if you wanted to join.


i give back to the african american community in seattle by attending a resaruant called 'Ezzels'. And i order some of their favorite foods which is fried chicken. (also one of my personal favorites)

if you're interested in coming with me give me a call, probibly go around dinner time
and ah.. yeah if not i'll ah.. talk to you soon hopefully

have a good night, bye


I'm racist because i called it 'their food' so shoot me! At least i celebrate the man's holiday! More that way you do you lazy skank..


HAPPY MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY! FROM ME TOO YOU!


Chicken Jackin'? Oh Hell 2 the No

Distraction Post

Hey everyone, Look at me! Hey! HEY!

Over here, over here. Right here. Look. Look at me. Right here Right here. Look Look Look. Hey!

Come on! look at me. Pay attention over here. Over here! come on, come on!

Don't look at anything else. Right here, ok? right here! Right here!

Meaning of Life Right Here:

Life Til You Die

Thank you, thank you folks. Enjoy Your Saturday night. Tip your waitress.

TroubleHelix: Raw and Sexy, Just Like You Like Her

So i would call myself a saucy girl for a number of reasons. The first being that no one else calls me by such a discriptive yet neglected adjective and the second reason being that i would consider myself a modern women with a healthy interest it sex. Sex sex sex sex sex. Oops, i've forgotten my point.
Ah yes sex, no,... saucy! Being a saucy girl, um, woman, I enjoy sex immensely. It's good all around including the fact that it counts as excersize. I would like to point out that this only counts for the person on top. I personally like to take turns. To make social interactions involving attraction and mutual petting more fun (if it's possible) i have a mild interest in type of game, if you will. This game is one that i did with some college friends of mine

(Ok I just realized you were going to picture this
so just take your time and then move on so we can get to something more calculating)

We used to play a game called the ABC's. The goal of the game is to collect letters, the winner being the person who was able to collect the entire alphabet. To 'collect' a letter, the player must kiss a person who's name begins with any given letter. I've never been a woman to kiss and tell but today i will kiss and tell...
I mean...
Here are the letters i have so far. Now granted, it takes some explaining. I'm getting ahead of myself. There are some other rules. The girls and i know some letters are harder than others. So some letters you are allowed to get from last names. These letters are as follows: Q, X, Y, and Z.
Now with that said here is a list of what i have so far.
A, B, C, D, E, G, H, J, K, M, R, S, T, Y and Z 15/26
What i don't have yet is a matter of great disappointment:
F, I, L, N, O, P, Q, U, V, W, and X
I couldn't get a Frank, a nick, a pter or a lee. For SHAME TroubleHelix. I need to get right on that. This will involve going through bars, asking for names and then planting kisses on whomever i need... i'm gonna need some liquor.

But there are some victories. Yes, that's right folks, i got a Z. Very proud about that one. I know i can get a Q if i can hook up with a friend's little brother. I WILL GET HIM, CAROLINA QUINTERO!

How many Letters do you have?
And now for your amusment

Love the One You're With?

So an arbitrary dateline i created for myself was reached today. All i can think about is these lyrics from a song that was written way before my time.

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Love The One You're With

There's a Rose
In a fisted Glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love
It's alright
Go ahead and love the one, love the one, love the one your
with
Love the one, love the one, love the one your with
If your guy can't come to you
And you don't remember who your talking to
Your concentration slips away
Because your baby, she is so so far away
Chorus: And there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you cant be with the one you love
Love the one your with
Don't be angry
Don't be sad
Don't sit cryin' for good times you had
There's a girl right next to you
And she's waiting for something to do
Chorus
Do it
Do it
Do it
Turn your heartache into joy
She's a girl and your a boy
Get together, make it tonight,
You ain't gonna need no more advice
Chorus
Just love the one your with

My problems with this... well almost all of it. Are you suppose to just settle? I mean, some people should (like ugly people) but are you really suppose to be unhappy and live some kind of lie? You're heart's not going to be in it. THAT'S IT! HA! Isn't that crazy, trying to love the one you're with when your hearts not in it is impossible. You can't 'love the one you're with' because you can't make yourself love someone if you don't. Then you're just hurting the person that you end up being with. Or...
My god, are they right? Should you just cut your losses and try to forget that amazing person and keep on dating the looser? I'd like to believe no. In the real world though, how often does that happen? Too often.
Third option: you don't get to be with the one you love, you tell the one you're with that you just don't feel it and you just go it alone. How depressing.

A letter from Seattle to Romo

Dear Tony Romo,

I would like to thank you for Friday night. You were gentle and sweet with the caring touch of an experienced mentor. Our one night of passion was enough for a life time. I have to admit, i'd be surprised if our hot sweaty sex wasn't heard by all of my neighbors. Using your handle bar-esk ears as grips, I felt an ecstasy I’ve never felt before flood my twitching body. I felt more joy than ever before with a man. I swore I will never let our raw night of passion be known to anyone else (like your tabloid women, i guess i was the distraction....). It was to forever be ours to keep in our memories…

But in truth, my love, I never though you’d take me seriously on our little arrangement. You had already made me so happy, how selfless of you to want to fully declare your love in front of the nation. Our teams were going head to head. Our dreams were contrary. I know they’ll never know that what happened Saturday night was for your secret Seattle lover but… I must stop writing for a moment to gather myself…

Terry Glenn almost did it for you didn’t he? I knew he wanted me at the bar but how could he belive that could win my heart? I knew what we had was something much more special, yet unallowable. Me a Redskins/Seahawks fan and you the QB for the Cowboys: our love was forbidden fruit that’s sweetness will forever flavor my dreams. You waited for the perfect moment to give your playoff spot away; the last seconds. You must have known I was joking though, my love, my dear, my heart… I know how much that game meant to you, to everyone in Texas. For you to do this for me, for you to make my dreams come true at the expense of your own? I would praise you a 1000 years and still it would never fully repay you...

Though I’m not sure I’ll ever see you again, Seattle and I will love you forever. Your name will echo in my heart for eternity.

Speechless in Seattle

*******

shh shh shhh... don't cry my love, don't cry...

So this broke my heart.

So I thought he was ignoring me. How sixteen candles. How is this still happening to me at 23? That paranoid scare, that only women can feel, grows in the back of your throat. You try to swallow but then you just feel the sting of rejection in your chest.



After an amazing time with him he just dropped off the map. I contacted him, with no response and it started to eat at me while my time left in the area was waning away by the hour. Waiting was interminable. 3 days left in town, 2 days, 1 day, 12 hours... Like being nervous with a touch of obsession. I know that you know what i'm talking about here because if it's just me that feels this way, i think i'll shoot myself. It's emotional, deep, close to the core of your humanity and reacts like a raw nerve when it's touched. That sting. Makes you wish you were numb to everything.
And it's so silly. Teenage adolescent silliness that you should of grown out of like a training bra.
I didn't know what to do either. I left his place in the morning. Sent two messages to finalize plans, and got no response. Then it was new years eve and i wanted him to join the gang so i called. And again no response. All the while my freak-out meter was rising. And those nagging questions! my god the questions your mind comes up with! top ten:
1) did i do/say something wrong that i don't remember?
2) i'm i coming on too strong?
3) is he just not interested?
4) will gnawing off my arm distract me from this situation?
5) should i call again?
6) when will i stop obsessing about this/him?
6) is that him calling me right now?
7) fuck you mom, i can't talk! he could get a busy signal!
8) no, mom, it's on the kitchen table, where it was yesterday.
9) mom! i'll do it this afternoon!
and the top one
10) Does he care as much as i do?

ah, cuz if he doesn't, then what's the point.

I was talking it over with a girlfriend and we decided to wait it out, thanks Carolina.

And then the 11th hour he (j9) made contact:

j9: yo
216: happy new years
j9: you too
j9: i chose to sleep through the weekend
j9: or at least i tried my damndest
216: was it everything you thought it could be?
j9: and more
216: this weekend was pretty fun
j9: caddy's?
216: i lost my wallet Saturday night (shoot me in the face) kristin got me into caddies through a bar tender she knows and then football all monday
j9: nice
216: sorry i didn't get to see you again though
j9: when do you go back?
216: in 4 hours
j9: WHAT?
j9: i thought you were stickin' around for awhile
216: 5 pm at dulles. i tried to contact you
j9: hard when i'm sleeping
j9: and now i've realized that my phone is dead...not sure when that happened
216: right
j9: no wonder my dad was all salty this morning
216: what did he do
j9: nothin, just asking why i wasn't answering the phone
216: i'm really sorry, j9. i tried to hold on to that bag i had for you all yesterday hoping you would call me back but i'm leaving now and i've given it to richard for safe keeping
216: igor and nick tried to buy it all but i wouldn't let them : )
j9: haha, that's ok
216: i enjoyed my stay. it was good to have your company even if it was for just for a little while
j9: absolutely
“j9” is away from the computer as of 1:22:49 PM.
216: goodbye

Auto response from j9: steppin out
j9: bye bye, i gotta go home to pay rent
“j9” is back at the computer as of 1:23:58 PM.
“j9” is away from the computer as of 1:24:16 PM.

I started to cry.
I usually don't cry.
I just wanted to see him again. That's why i called him/texted him/obsessed over it all. Just wanted to say goodbye and say that he made my visit so much better
... yet so much worse

New Years Correspondence

Email from Roxy:

Hey, friends!

I've been dancing around getting ready and listening to Prince and wishing I could give you all a New Year's kiss in person. Anchorage has gotten about three or four feet in the last week alone, so I'm planning on some very high boots for going out tonight... I wish you all a lovely, happy, exciting New Year's and all the very very best for 2007 -

Roxy

Reply from *******:

Dear Roxy,

That all sounds wonderful. I had an interesting new years. On new
year's eve eve i lost my wallet and so was sans I.D. LAME! but with my
charm and plotting, i got into a private party at a Bethesda M.D. hot
spot. Fun was had by all.
No one to kiss at new years : (
I'm coming back to seattle soon and i don't want to. I'll miss all of
my boys too much

Love
*******