Dear Abby...

Dear Abby,

During a recent sex-capade, I marked red nail polish on my tan wall. Advise me how to remove them without stripping the paint.

Thanks and I love the column.

-Climbing the Walls-

I’m a Witch . . . no, with a ‘W’.

No one believes me when I say I don’t like kids*…. But I have to say, I don’t see the appeal.

The other day I was looking to distract myself from school work and resorted to my guilty pleasure, TV. Scrolling through the menus I turned on a movie called ‘Witches’ which I hoped was a campy horror flick. It was campy and it turned out I had seen it before when I was a kid. It was an adaptation of a Roald Dahl classic about a boy who comes across a coven of witches while on a family vacation. And the Witches on it are all about killing kids. They La-OVed it! They thought they smelled (which everybody knows they do…) and liked to turn kids into mice and step on them. As a child I really didn’t appreciate how annoy me and my little friends really were. I feel sorry for my parents having to deal with me. Face it, kids are really just stupid. They don’t know how do anything and apparently you have to take care of them or the government jumps down your back. And as my mom would streak at me, while she took a swigs from her Jack Daniel's bottle, children steal your youth and your looks.

DORTHY MANTOOTH IS A SAINT!

… (*clears throat*)

Check this out if you’re looking for a fun time laughing at drunk hicks and a good movie outside Seattle.

Red Hook Brewery

14300 NE 145th St
Woodinville, Washington 98072

47.733, -122.149

Category

Media

Description

Movies start at dusk, between 8:45-9:30, and show until 11:00. Gates open at 6pm. Redhook beer, wine, and food will be available in the beer garden until the movie starts.

$5 admission. Children under 18 are loud and annoying and shouldn’t exist.

*: carolina, lindsay, mike z, and my dear mom.

Ch 7 The Break Up

“I just can’t believe that noise down there! How do they sleep with it on? If it’s playing loud tonight I swear I’m going to complain. You know that girl in the elevator earlier? Jamie talks to her sometimes. She lives down there. I wonder how they let her do that.” Kelly said as she looked down through her window at the room below her.

“Mhmmm,” said Jen, not really listening to her roommate as her manicured hands flipped through a Vogue.

Claire threw open their door. “You got to get out here and see this!” she said, her curlers coming undone. As she jogged back down the hall, they started to unfurl. By the time they had trotted after her to the lounge, Claire’s hair had come completely undone and baby blue circles littered the hallway as the shouts grew louder. They walked out to find Joe, belligerently inebriated and breaking up with Amanda.

“You know, you know what I’m talking about? The shit you do with your shoes and your parties and your backstabbing bullisht. Buuuuuuullshit. Buuuuuuuuullshit. Oh! And let’s not forget that guy that you fucked in Reno!” He stumbled and fell over himself repeatedly.

“Joe, sweetie you aren’t making any sense!” Amanda said sobbing, “I’ve never been to Reno. And where are your shoes?”

“OH you’ve never been to Reno! Well darling, Reno isn’t a place, it’s a state. But not like the United… or the mind! Yeah and then what about Paul, huh? Paulie! Does he want a cracker? I can’t believe you got so fucking upset about that shirt of yours that I didn’t like and then your mother went off and had sex with that prostitute.”

“What did you say?”

“That shirt that I didn’t like.”

“No, after that.”

Joe paused to recap what had happened. “Ok,” he began, swaying gently with his eyes lids fluttering up and down. “I said ‘that shirt that I didn’t like.’ And then you said ‘No, after that’ and then I said ‘I said ‘that shirt that I didn’t like’’.”

“No, after ‘that shirt that I didn’t like’.”

“I said ‘I said ‘that shirt that I didn’t like.’’ And then you said ‘No after ‘that shirt that I didn’t like.’ And then I said ‘I said ‘I said ‘that shirt that I didn’t like...’”

“No, after the first time you said it.”

“I SAID YOU’RE MOTHER’S A WHORE!”

“Ok this is just making my brain hurt.” Amanda said. “Joe, lets go in my room and talk about this…” She said looking around at the crowd that had begun to gather to watch the newest reality show. Everyone was there. Everyone was watching this happen to her and then it just got worse. She saw the stairwell door open and a pair of RA’s making their rounds entered at the other end of the lounge. Amanda turned back to Joe and began to whisper, “Joe, let’s go.”

“You can just suck my dick or did you get enough of that in RENO!” To everyone’s horror, he stubbed past her and towards the stairs only to run straight into the RA.

“Have you been drinking?” The RA said, tired of his rounds already.

“No but she has!” Joe said as he pointed back at Amanda. Her whole face was red and wet from crying. ‘The whole floor has seen this!’ she thought to herself. After seeing that his path was blocked, Joe turned on his heel and started heading the other direction. The Resident Assistant reached out and grabbed his shoulder.

“Why don’t you come with me, dude.” He pulled Joe to face him.

“YOU’RE NOT MY FATHER!” Joe shouted and then proceeded to vomit all over the RA.

Love From the Universe

Life seems to be in constant flux with highs and lows. Floods and droughts of people, things or events congregate together in time. Like the proverb ‘things come in threes’ it seems like when things are at their worse, they get a little more worse before situations steady out.

Well, right now ladies and gentlemen, I might be jinxing something but I’m too happy to conceal that the universe is sending me love. Halleluiah!

Eww, religion just came out.

Tastes funny.

But YES! I mean really ye-e-e-e-s . I’m getting some pretty good signs. The love on car thing and then today with another random little universe kiss. I was walking to pick up dinner at Thai Toms and had just passed a guy sprawled in an alley (*she says with a smile*). I go to cross the street and I see a man walking my way on that side. Admittedly clutching my purse a little tighter, I continue to open the set of party pictures. And I see this one:

Sera and Emily Heaven and Hell Party 2007

So I was smiling when the man said “Excuse me” and I turned to face him. “I’m sorry but you are they most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I was wondering if I could ask you on a date some time.”
It was like someone slapped me. I was dumbstruck. I almost told him I had a boyfriend but then realized that I didn’t. “Oh I don’t go out with strangers.” I responded shaking my head and kept my pace.

“Really? Well we could go out to dinner ... or coffee and then we could get to know each other” Or something to that extent I don’t quite remember. He wasn’t being creepy, he was keeping a respectful distance so I wasn’t scared. I couldn’t help but admit to him I was stunned because it was the first time anyone on the street had done this before.

“Are you kidding me?” the gentleman said. “So how about it?” I nicely said no, citing the fact that he appeared to be a little older than me and that I really couldn’t. He said alright and I went and to pick up my take-out. Waiting for it, a homeless man singing on the streets stared at me until I acknowledged him. The compliment kept me smiling my whole walk back home. I passed a disabled vagrant in an ally behind the church and a can of beans with a fork protruding from it.

And now I can’t get the idea out of my head that the looney bin had just let out a bunch of wackos and my gentleman had been one of many. Huh… It seemed so sweet when it happened…

Anyways! Kiss from the Universe, a crazy man thinks I’m pretty and told me and that means he’s not completely nuts!

Hope you get some love soon.

xoxo

TroubleHelix

Silly Girlly Stuff... my appologies

Well i kind of messed up. had a good time though. isn't that what matters. I might have rushed things . I might have made it so i won't get exactly what i wanted with you. which is everything :). I mean that's how i described it to my mom this morning... but at least something happened. hill climbing method. we'll see what happens.. right.. we'll see what happens. but really. . .

If I wrote you a symphony,

Just to say how much you mean to me...

If I told you you were beautiful
Would you date me on the regular
Yeah, because
I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby,
let me be your lady
Boy, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be
my love

phew! but until then. agreed. let's have fun.

"I Love You" ?

I’m not use to candy and flowers*. I’m not use to getting love messages or notes. I was running around U-Village picking up stuff for my party tonight. I propped up a case fully of booze on my knee while I pulled out my car keys for the trunk and guess what I saw. “I Love You”written in the thin layer of dust on my bumper. It made me smile … a lot. But now I’m a bit perplexed as that I no idea how long it had been there or who left this little note. Stranger or friend? Obviously an admirer of some kind. I don’t think I’ll ever find out unless the author confesses to me. So tell me who you are so I can give you a big hug. You brightened up my day.

-Trouble-

*but, by god, I deserve to be use to them!

RIP Velvet

Friends and Family. I'm sorry to have to tell you this but...

Some of you had the pleasure of knowing or at least smoking out of Velvet. After many years, a persistent crack finally snapped this afternoon. Velvet went quickly and painlessly after one short bowl.


It's name was velvet. And it was beautiful. Always did what was right. Nice weight and beautiful colors. It wasn't the best bong but it had a nice handle pattern and stand and it always got compliments. I don't know how i'll replace you. I'll miss you. At lease i have pictures.
:)


A.F.I. The leaving song
"...All the cracks, they lead right to me, and all the cracks will crawl right through me, and I fell apart..."

"Hello. My name is Jade Puget and I'm the lead guitarist for A Fire Inside. I think that at times like these we should, no, we need to be able to look back on all the good that came from our experiences with the recently departed. It's our ability to do this that will give us strength and wisdom in our own lives. Rest in peace, Velvet. "